Dealing with narcissistic and/or sociopathic mother in-laws? Here's a way to gain some insight!

If you are dealing with narcissistic in-laws this will be interesting to read. The book 'The sociopath next door' by Martha Stout describes sociopaths, of the sort that live next door. The sociopaths you're dealing with in your life (in-laws, family, job, school, neighbors), not the ones 'starring' in a movie. The ones you can not quite put your finger on, but you know something is very wrong. This book is very well written, funny and entertaining and puts into words what you cannot, so next time you won't doubt yourself when you encounter the 'average' sociopath :-). This book gives guidance on how to deal effectively with sociopaths, something everyone should know and which should be part of your everyday tool-kit. Apart from that it is a highly entertaining read!

Here's the link to this must read:



And here's a review from amazon:

"I've written many five-star reviews, but never have I been so motivated to try to convince everyone to read the book. Here's why: one in twenty-five Americans is a sociopath, a figure psychologist Martha Stout obtained from three journal articles and a U.S. government source. Assuming this premise of The Sociopath Next Door is correct, or even if the figure is say one in 50, odds are you know at least one sociopath. He or she could be an abusive partner, the person in the next cubicle at work, your landlord, or the person your teenager is dating. Even if you can't think of sociopath you know, you have high odds of encountering one. Given the havoc even one sociopath can wreak in one's life, this book provides a sort of insurance that you'll be able to identify him or her and deal with that person so they don't harm you emotionally, financially, or in any other way. This is a well-written and well-researched book that I think will benefit the 96% of you who are not sociopaths.

To gain the benefits of "sociopath insurance" there are three portions of the book I believe are crucial for you to read: (1) the discussion of what is a sociopath along with her stories illustrating the different types of sociopaths, (BTW, those stories would make fine literary short stories with Stout's descriptive language and suspense building.) (2) Stout's "Thirteen Rules For Dealing With Sociopaths in Everyday Life", and (3) the discussion of how good people with consciences end up allowing sociopathic leaders to rise to power and do horrific acts. If you read just these sections and skip all the philosophical discussions about sociopaths, you will still gain a lot from this book."

Helping yourself relax! Mindfulness and Poweryoga.

Hello everyone!

What I'm realizing more and more that it is so important to take good care of yourself. One of the things you can do for yourself is to take up yoga classes. I like poweryoga and have a dvd by Baron Baptiste with a few routines on it. It is really convenient for use at home. In the case you're starting yoga for the first time I would suggest to buy Baron Baptiste's book "Journey into power". In this book all the yoga poses are very clearly explained (pictures included). Guidance for developing your own routine is also included. There are adaptations for each pose when you're a beginner or when you're finding a pose simply too difficult or not suitable for your body. Always start slow!

There are also very good yoga routines and teachers on youtube. One example is Brett Larkin. Check her video's out here: Free Yoga Routines by Brett Larkin

Another good practice is integrating mindfulness into your life. The benefifts can be huge, even when you're just starting with 5 minutes a day. I read a really down-to-earth book about mindfulness, connecting it with building new pathways in your brain. There are many helpful examples of meditations throughout the book (starting really slow and easy). The title is "Rewire your brain for love" by Marsha Lucas. It teaches self-love and acceptance (ultimately leading to better relationships with the people around you too), and how you can accomplish this, one step at a time, starting with a few minutes a day.

I'll quote the first meditation practice in the book "Rewire your brain for love" by Marsha Lucas to give you an impression of how she writes and to have an example of which meditation to start with:

"GETTING STARTED: BASIC MINDFULNESS MEDITATION INSTRUCTIONS

 If you’ve never meditated before (or even if you have), you may have some idea that meditation requires being able to sit on the floor with your legs crossed, in a perfectly constructed, perfectly peaceful room, gentle sunlight streaming in while the faint hint of incense wafts over you and the warmth of a candle imperceptibly finds your serenely closed eyes, with your mind completely still.

Gaaaahhh—no wonder so many people think they can’t meditate! Who can achieve that?

Let’s try again—this time, with equal doses of reality and compassion.

 First, I heartily recommend that you read all the way through the instructions and notes before you actually start.

And second, know that while meditators in glossy magazine ads always look quiescently blissed out, meditation isn’t always pleasurable. Walking around as most of us do, with lots of stress, has our bodies pumping out stress hormones much of the time. Those find their way into special receptors in your brain, and they basically make you want to seek pleasure—and seek it quickly. The brain is jonesing for a quick squirt of dopamine—sometimes referred to as the “feel-good neurotransmitter,” even though it does many other things—and impels you to do something to provide this, such as eat some ice cream or look to see if a new e-mail has arrived. While this will make you feel better now, it turns out that it’s not good for long-term well-being. So keep in mind that even if your meditation practice doesn’t feel good in a given moment, or if your brain is telling you to go do something else quicker and/or “more pleasurable,” know that by practicing, you’re training your brain to deal with stress more effectively, eliminating much of the stress—craving pleasure—indulging—stress cycle in which we so often get trapped.

1.   To begin, just sit down somewhere. That’s all. The rest of this step, in all of its multi-bulleted glory, is to make it a little easier for your sitting* to support you in your meditation, and to put you at ease if you feel more comfortable with detailed instructions.

•   You can sit on a chair. I find it best to choose one that has some cushioning on the seat. It’ll be easiest if the height of the seat allows your feet to be comfortably planted on the floor (about a foot apart) and lets your thighs be parallel to the floor (hips at about the same level as knees).

 * While most people find sitting to be the best position for meditation, you don’t have to actually be in a sitting position. You can find more about different positions in the “Resource” section.

 •   If your chair has a back, sit forward far enough so that you won’t find yourself leaning on it unless you need to. (If you do need to have that support, by all means, use it.) The idea is for your body to be able to keep itself upright with ease, a sort of natural balance. Sitting without a chair back to lean on also allows you to know when you’re getting drowsy or distracted. I’ve been known to “come back” to my meditation after realizing with a start that I was about to pitch forward out of my chair and onto my face. (Go ahead and laugh—I did!)

 •   Find a comfortable place for your hands to rest. Some people like to have their hands in the crook of their lap, resting like two spoons facing their belly. Others like to have their palms on their thighs.

 •   Your eyes can be slightly open with a “soft focus” (kind of fuzzy-eyed), or closed. If you have your eyes open, you might find it helpful to aim your gaze slightly downwardSit with your back straight, but not rigid. It’s sometimes helpful to imagine a gentle, elastic string attached to the crown of your head, softly lengthening your spine and neck, with your shoulders able to hang loosely. Perhaps lower your chin slightly until your head feels comfortably placed. Try to remember that this is about ease, not about stretching or pushing, and that being kind to yourself is part of the practice.

 2.   Now, just breathe. Really. Just let the natural rhythm of your breath, whatever it is, lead you; there’s no need to force it or change it in any way. Your only task right now is to bring your awareness to the sensations of breathing—the slight tickle of the air just under your nose as you breathe in. The coolness of the air as it enters your nostrils. Feeling the air as it passes down your windpipe. The movement of your chest and belly as your lungs expand, then contract. Bring your awareness to any one, or more, of these sensations (or any others you become aware of) as you breathe in and out.

 3.   Did your mind immediately wander? Good! With kindness and gentleness, simply bring it back. Just like a puppy that’s naturally curious, your mind is meant to wander off, get distracted, and so on. So, when it does, gently and lovingly bring it back to the sensations of your breath, just as you’d bring that soft, sweet puppy back to you. Like scolding a puppy, angrily chastising your mind for wandering off is going to make it less likely to want to be close to you (or maybe even make it pee on the floor, poor thing).

 The busier your brain is, the more opportunities you have to notice that your mind has wandered and to gently and lovingly bring it back. (Those actions—the noticing and bringing back—are what neuroscientists like Richard Davidson, PhD, believe may be the brain-wiring “reps,” like the repeated biceps curls a weightlifter does to build muscle.)

 4.   That’s all there is to it—that’s the basic form of how you practice mindfulness meditation. Whenever you’re done, gently open your eyes and slowly reenter your day. Start with just a few minutes of practice and invite yourself to gradually increase your practice over time.

 One more important note before you move into meditation—and as a good reminder all along the way: please be gentle with yourself. Sometimes, while meditating, things might come into awareness that we otherwise avoid, or that are particularly difficult, such as an old emotional wound or something big that we need to change in our lives. In this case, it may be helpful to stop the meditation and get some support, such as psychotherapy, to help you deal with the issues. I’ve included some suggestions and resources later in the book."

I have been dealing with a burnout and very high stress levels the past few months, Three weeks ago I joined an online program that is helping me deal with it. At first I was skeptical and afraid to start with it. What if it was disappointing? Well it wasn't, it turns out to be very helpful. It encourages you to find out what works for you, what is helpful in your day to day live. It encourages you to do more helpful things for yourself and less of what is unhelpful. You can invite friends to support you (they'll answer questions about you on a regular basis). You'll get a questionaire every week to check your progress. You're encouraged to take very small steps. You will practice new techniques to help you relax and feel better about yourself. You can check it out here: Self-help Program heals Stress, Depression, Anxiety, Burnout

I will be adding other resources for you soon, but wanted to give these helpful tips to get you started!
For your ease I've included the links to the books:



Wishing you a wonderful day!

 Jo