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Showing posts with label narcissistic mother in-law. Show all posts
Showing posts with label narcissistic mother in-law. Show all posts

Tuesday, 9 April 2013

What to tell the children if there is no contact with the grandparents?


When there is no contact with the grandparents...


We went sort of no contact with the in-laws after the MIL ignored me completely during two visits last year. I say sort of because my husband doesn't want to see it this way. After her extremely rude behaviour to me, which resulted from my husband setting some simple boundaries with her, my husband called her and addressed her behaviour, she first excused it, then said that it was just the way she was and he needed to accept that and then hung up on him (start December). We agreed that my husband wouldn't call her back and that the ball was in her court now, she needed to apologise and make an effort to right the wrongs she had done. She never called, until the 3rd of January, FIL called my husband at his work and wished him a Happy New Year, then MIL sneaked on the phone, the conversation lasted 25 seconds. My husband was in tears when he told me of the phone call. They didn't address the situation, ignored everything and hung up. Now with my daughter's birthday approaching I expected trouble, and yes there it was, the MIL called last week to ask if they were allowed to send presents for our daughter, behaving very emotional, asking if we wouldn't leave the presents on the doorstep (boohoo...). My husband then said to her he needed to discuss this with me (in my opinion telling her that he was ok with it but he needed to ask me).  Ugh. Well I said to my husband, text her (we have a no-calling-the-MIL agreement) and tell her it is up to her, we are not going to be lured to say yes or no. My husband then said to me he had texted his father. Now more than a week later it comes out that he has texted his father that it was ok for them to send presents, that we won't leave them on the doorstep and that 'you can come and bring them'. So he even invites them! He told me that his father would understand he only invited him, well I doubt it. Then FIL emailed him that the present was mailed but that unfortunately due to being very busy with his work it was impossible to come (too busy...).  I was stupefied and felt really betrayed by my husband doing all this behind my back. Apparently he pretends to understand me for a while but when push comes to shove he falls for the same trick over and over again. He told me, well if they want to do something nice for the children, who am I to stop them... Giving way to the MIL to play her favourite game: divide and conquer. In my opinion telling her, it is ok for you to ignore my wife as long as you're nice to the children, you can even have access to them. So we had a nice few days after this discovery, I can tell you. Anyway I got it back together and the present will not be given to our daughter, still contemplating what to do with it. I think I will store it in the attic til I know, there's no rush.

I found the following excerpt, taken from an excellent article written by Renee Pittelli, which pretty much says how I feel about the whole situation:

http://www.luke173ministries.org/466829:
No “outsider” should be permitted the right or the power to intrude into a family unit of parents and children and cause any kind of conflict or conflicted loyalties, tension, confusion, disharmony, or upset. No one has “rights” to a child who isn’t theirs. Many abusers don’t really love the grandkids, but are simply using them to punish or get at their victim. If she truly wants her grandkids in her life, the abuser can always start by apologising to their mother for the abuse, and by treating her with love and respect from then on. The reality is that if you truly want a good relationship with someone else’s children, then you need to be prepared to also have a good relationship with their parents, and to do whatever it takes to relate to the child’s immediate family as a whole and in a positive manner.

I talked with a coach and he said (when I said I didn't want to be dishonest with my children about the whole situation), tell it to your children in an age-appropriate way that they won't be seeing grandparents anytime soon because they have been mean to mom and dad. Tell them, we don't allow people to treat us like this and we don't allow them in our house (or will be going there) until they apologise and show for a longer period of time that their behaviour has changed. So I have a pretty good idea of what to tell our children, and will keep it really simple. I only have to think about when to tell them (preferentially with my husband there but if he refuses I will do it on my own), I don't want anymore attention to the grandparents at the moment so I'll leave it for a while, there's no rush here either. If they ask about the grandparents, I'll tell them why.

Wednesday, 20 February 2013

2012 Starting to change

After a horrendous Christmas vacation in 2011. DH didn't mention his parents and I didn't either. I wanted him to mention it himself if he wanted us to do something with them for Christmas. I in the meantime arranged to make a Christmas dinner for my grandmother at her home. DH was really mad, however he didn't arrange anything. He called his mother after Christmas and she mentioned they were alone and bored. That was enough for my husband to ignore me for 5 days. I asked my husband during these days if something was the matter, he said nothing was wrong. So he played a game with me, he was in fact giving me the silent treatment and was fogging me all along. After a few days I was at my wits' end. I felt desperate and very lonely. I screamed at my husband that I was done with it. I was not going to live like this anymore, with him treating me that way. He got what he wanted, he was satisfied that I blew up. He had punished me for my 'misbehaviour'.

I was fuming for about two weeks and then in January I started looking for specific help with in-laws, I ended up finding a book and then a forum. This forum has greatly helped me, it helped me realise I wasn't the only one dealing with such crazy in-laws. And not the only one with a husband that tolerated almost anything and remained in the role of a little child when it came to his parents. An otherwise capable man, having a good job, a great father and responsible. There was a blame game going on which was directed at me. You're too sensitive. You're an adult you should know how to deal with people you don't get along with. I never had problems with my parents. You're a troublemaker. My mother has a problem with you, so you should work it out with her, I don't want to be in the middle. And much more. Posting on the forum and reading the stories of others gave me a much needed confirmation that I wasn't the crazy one. In dealing with crazy people normal people sometimes start doubting their own sanity, that what I was at the verge of doing anyway. I had been dealing with a crazy sociopath for about 15 years.

It was time for a change. I wasn't going to let this crazy, mean, nasty, vile woman rule my world or that of my children. I told my husband it was time for a change. I wasn't going to accept the behaviour and intrusion of the MIL anymore. I found the book Toxic In-laws by Susan Forward and started reading. This book was what I needed, I got a lot of validation for my feelings and for what I had been dealing with. Much needed, because no one should deal with such problems on their own. Isolation is always in favour of the abuser. I would recommend this book to anyone. When my husband first saw the book, he wasn't too happy. He called it a rubbish book (he found the title really provocative and took offense), anyway he ended up reading the book and now calls it a great book. It probably has helped him too, seeing that he is not the only one with a mother like his.

The book was a starting point for me to convince my husband we needed to set boundaries. He started with telling his mother she needed to buy the presents for our children and not expect him to do it instead of her. This was a game she played every year, and oh glory when she succeeded in convincing him to buy the presents. I always prevented it but that didn't matter to her, she just wanted to show she could pull the strings if she wanted to. So she wasn't too happy when she didn't succeed this time, not even when she told him, 'so you don't care about me'. The next thing was, no more phone calls during our holidays. When we went on a vacation, my husband was obliged to call her every few days and leave all the details of the places we stayed such a s phone number and address. Everything under the guise of, what if something terrible happens (or I'll die of a heart-attack when I don't know exactly where you are), we need to be able to reach you, however texting was out of the question. So this year my husband told her that in the case of an emergency she could text us. She argued of course that she couldn't text, but we had been role playing and my husband had an answer to everything she tried to get him to allow her to call or to get him in his old role. After our summer vacation my husband called her and asked her to stop talking about death and dying in my presence because that was hurtful to me. [My mother had died 2 years before after being diagnosed terminally 9 months before. Since then (and while my mother was ill too) the MIL found it entertaining to talk to me about how she was very preoccupied with death and dying, how she suffered, how we had no idea what is was dealing with that, wait til we had her age, we had no idea]. She cold-bloodedly responded to my husband how she couldn't imagine why that would be hurtful to me in any way. (They never even gave their condolences).

The MIL got more and more furious ending in her completely ignoring me when we visited them in September after our vacation. I told my husband, I found this unacceptable. We started talking about what if she ignores me when they come here. My husband told me that he would address this if it happened. So they visited us in December and the MIL ignored me completely when she walked through the doorway, she elaborately greeted my husband, walked past me and then greeted our children in an extremely exaggerated way. My husband looked at me and wanted to confront her. I didn't want a scene in front of our children, so after an excruciating visit (she really was gloating she had pulled it off, or so she thought) they went home. Next evening my husband called her and told her he wanted to talk about her ignoring me. She started excusing and justifying what she did. When that didn't work she plainly told him that he had to accept her as she is, she did what she did and that was it. My husband told her that there wouldn't be that much of a problem if she would behave in a civil way to her DILs, then she hung up and began the silent treatment. Her goal was of course that my husband would be very sorry for his outrageous behaviour of standing up for me and would call her to make amends.

My husband and I agreed that she needed to make amends and that she was the one that needed to initiate contact this time.



Friday, 8 February 2013

'I have a disease and your father is dying!'


The MIL implied to have a heart disease for many years to DH. I found out it was easily treatable high blood pressure instead, when she complained about her medication to DH. A while later, when we visited them, she started complaining again about her heart disease but then realised I knew (I told DH the combination she took wasn’t for the so called heart disease she invented, and he mentioned it to her). DH however still believed she had a heart disease and was telling her to see a cardiologist. She whispered to me, while suggesting he was a little crazy and imagining things, 'I don't have a heart disease'. Why whisper? (I now know. She wanted to keep him under the impression that she had this heart disease while telling me she knew she didn't . Working us both at the same time). Actually just recently (September 2012), she told DH she had had a heart-attack, in the hospital they had told her that she was just a bit dehydrated and that she was in good health. She however knew for sure that she had a heart-attack, she was just waiting for the lab results to prove it. Once again she had DH in rescue mode and could lean back and hear him say what she needed to do, see another doctor, go to another hospital (which she subsequently would never do).

She insinuated to have cancer. She called, on a Sunday, and soon was talking about her health. Saying she was experiencing a sudden weight loss and had no idea what the cause could be. DH started giving advice, saying she should see a doctor. (She really likes him to be in this position, she sort of leans back and enjoys). After a while, she was satisfied and said, 'Oh well, maybe this happened because I have been on a diet for the past three weeks...'.

She suggested to have Alzheimer's disease. Starting a campaign, she was forgetting things, it runs in her family. She didn't remember things she had done or said (how convenient!). Every visit or phone call she gave some hints. This one was getting so obvious that DH actually told her she didn't have Alzheimer's otherwise she wouldn't be talking about it like she did and he would have his father on the phone instead. So she stopped.

MIL let us drive for two hours believing FIL was dying. FIL was at the ICU she said and there wasn't much left they could do for him. DH thought he was going to say goodbye to his father and sat behind the wheel, hyperventilating and in a state of panic. When we arrived, MIL also happened to arrive. When we walked to the hospital entrance, MIL whispered to me (so DH couldn’t hear..). 'Oh by the way, FIL is not in the ICU anymore and he's doing really well, I spoke to him on the phone this morning'. (?!?!). Why not say it out loud, why not tell it to her son immediately. I was stunned. She had called DH earlier that morning when we were already on our way and she said : 'Maybe you shouldn't come with all this fog'. There was no fog, but not a word on his father, she didn't say 'Your father is doing well, so don't worry'. How cruel can you be to your son? She even knew the night before that her husband was doing ok, but suggested to her son his father was dying! Never mind I also happened to be pregnant and our son was just a little baby and there we were, driving for  two hours with my husband in a state of panic behind the wheel. 



Thursday, 17 January 2013

Revelations of the holy MIL

The MIL tells it like it is, she tells the TRUTH, it is her character, she cannot do anything about it, it is just the way she is (psst, she's a martyr too).

(I heard someone talk some evil. No you did not. Yes I did).

Some of the revelations my MIL just had to share with me (for my own good):

In the good old days when I still occasionally said something personal while being in the company of the MIL, once upon a day I said something positive about a good friend, something about how funny he is and that we have been friends for a real long time (oops..).

That got the MIL going. So J., this (so-called) friend of yours. You know he'll only flatter you. He will not be honest with you because he's your friend. People who are not your friend wouldn't be that nice to you. They could be trusted to be telling you the truth, because they do not care for/like/know you and wouldn't be biased (are we still on topic here...?). In fact they would be the real friends.

(Hmmm, thanks MIL for telling it like it is, that makes so much sense, I feel so much better now).

(I heard some evil. No you did not. It is the TRUTH. Yes it is!).

Some more revelations of the MIL on how human beings are:

It is easy to be nice. It's much harder not to be nice.

If you have everything you want, it is easy to be nice. If you wouldn't have it all, you wouldn't be nice.

If you have nothing, you would be nice. People who have it all, have no need to be nice.

(I am so happy MIL you have repeated this 100 times for my sake. Some TRUTHs just need to be ingrained don't they, the TRUTH is never easy).

Then a personal revelation of the MIL:

I am not nice. So people do not like me. I have a special character, that's just the way it is, nobody understands me. There are people that are loved but that is because they are likable, they show interest in other people, they care about other people. I don't waste my energy caring about people.  I am just an honest person, I do what I do, so that is why nobody likes me. That is just the way it is. Life is just so easy for people who are not like me. It is so hard to be me, you have no idea. You have to take me as I am.

( Forever grateful MIL for telling me the TRUTH EVIL about people YOU, I was so naive).



Sunday, 6 January 2013

3.3 My history with the in-laws: marriage and babies...

I talked with my husband, before our son was born, about how I wanted us to go about visiting. I told him I didn't want anyone there the same day after giving birth or the next day, and no telling the MIL when we were going to the hospital. (In my worst nightmares I envisioned the MIL barging into the hospital or even the delivery room). I told him I wanted no one to visit us for at least the first week. To give us time to recover and rest and get to know and bond with our son. I needed to protect myself. I wanted some peace of mind and privacy. This didn't go well with my husband because he knew, as I did too, that the MIL would insist to come immediately (to take control). So unfortunately he didn't really want to agree on anything. Apparently this was too big a confrontation.

There were some complications when I gave birth to my son, resulting in a huge blood loss on my part, luckily our son was perfectly healthy and doing very well. My husband called his parents, his father was happy and burst into tears, his mother was in a foul mood. The only response the MIL gave was an angry: oh..., before she handed the phone to FIL. Unfortunately we had to stay in the hospital for the next two days and I had an iv to replace the blood loss. It took a long time before the bleeding stopped and I had a heart rate of over a 100 in rest and was unable to walk. I desperately wanted to go home, to be in my own home, the three of us together.  Fortunately the second day a nurse said to me, if you would be able to walk 5 steps today you could go home tomorrow. At the end of the afternoon I managed to do that, holding on to a chair, although I nearly fainted and got very nauseous. So the next day we went home! I was so happy to take our beautiful baby boy home! My husband had to carry me in our home, I couldn't walk, and even that was so exhausting that I was completely out of breath, my heart pounding in my ears.

Then, we were home and the terror began, his mother was frantically calling him, pressuring him they wanted to come immediately. I wanted her toxic presence nowhere near myself or our son, especially now I was so weakened. So I asked my husband to ask them to wait for a week (at least). She didn't take no for an answer. The next morning, very early, the door bell rang, my heart sunk. It could only be them as we had asked all our family and friends not to visit us because of the circumstances. They respected our wishes, were very happy for us having a healthy son and relieved I was recovering. And there they were, the in-laws, disrespecting us, showing up uninvited. I immediately told my husband I didn't want them to come in. I felt like a caged animal, lying in bed, afraid they would come in anyway and barge into our bedroom. However DH let them into the hallway and the nurse that was helping us, showed our son to them briefly and then my husband asked them to go.

Well all hell broke loose when the nurse went away for the day. His mother had been calling and calling again, telling my husband that they were extremely insulted they were not invited into our home. They would never ever come to visit us again. She demanded I would come to their house to say that I was sorry for my evil deed of not letting them in our house. My husband directed all his anger and frustration at me. He too thought that I was the problem, I should have given in. Now his parents were insulted and he would never see them again! The MIL kept pressuring him to come to their house with our son (I was not invited of course). DH really pressured me to let him go see his parents with our son, I refused. I wouldn't let her split us up, literally. She told him, in our family we do not handle things this way (while not at all respecting our boundaries or respecting her son to have his own family or loving him). She told him, your father doesn't respect you anymore (which hit him really really hard).

So DH didn't let them in but was very angry with me, instead of them. In fact all part of the normal dynamics of how he had been raised: You just don't refuse your mother anything, she can do as she pleases and opposing her is the ultimate betrayal. In the end we didn't see them for half a year. However, MIL was never in more frequent contact with DH. Guilt tripping him, playing the victim, bad-mouthing me... She was living her ultimate dream. He was sending her pictures of our son, hearing her out on all her complaints about me. I am a street fighter she told my husband, some women are just too proud to step down. DH delivered all her messages to me, instead of telling her to shut up. He even sent her a home video where I was really happy, singing and dancing with my baby son. I was so angry DH had given such an intimate private home video to his vile and hostile mother, it felt as a huge betrayal. He thought she was entitled to see pictures and movies of our son. Fairly soon after seeing the video the MIL started another campaign, she had read an article on mothers giving too much attention to their children, indulging them, being too positive, this way having a very bad influence on them, blah blah blah.... (what can I say...).

DH nearly begged her for them to come see his son. No she couldn't do that, she wanted to, but his father didn't want to come... (she never ever would let anyone stop her doing what she wants to, so this was a blatant lie). My husband however was deeply hurt by this perceived rejection of his father. His father had never rejected him in such a way. So this could only give the message to DH that he had screwed up beyond forgiveness. The spider in the web was happily controlling all communication. (I wonder oh I wonder what the MIL told his father).

This period in my life has been one of the most traumatic experiences in my life. I never have felt so lonely in my life, it put a terrible pressure on our relationship, it was a period of terrible emotional abuse. It made me feel desperate with no escape. We should have been left alone to enjoy the wonderful experience of having our son, to be able to bond as a new family and then share it with friends and family. To have some peace and rest. Instead the MIL instigated her ultimate power struggle, she didn't care about me, I didn't expect her to. She however also didn't respect or love her son at all, not once. She grabbed the opportunity to make him feel very guilty, to subjugate him. She couldn't even be happy for him at this time of his life. He had just become a father to his beautiful healthy son! He was so happy with his son and wanted to show him to his parents. She did not care, it was all about her. I think this period was a time of great glory and satisfaction for her. She was very much in control of her son's emotions. When I think back one word resonates with me: destruction.



Wednesday, 2 January 2013

3.2 My history with the in-laws: marriage and babies...

So now the in-laws knew we were expecting a baby...

I wanted us to get married because I wanted all legal things organised before our baby was born. The MIL in the meantime had started her anti-marriage campaign. She started stories about she and her husband being forced to marry when they were expecting their first child (as if they had no free will) and that we were so lucky nowadays that there was absolutely no reason for us to get married and that it would be so terribly old fashioned and ridiculous. In hindsight it is obvious that her biggest fear now was that we would get married.

Every time we saw them she gave me these vile glances which frightened me, while at the same time pretending to be such a caring grandmother-to-be to DH.

One day she called DH and told him, if J. wants to know anything about pregnancy, giving birth etc.., I'm very happy to explain her everything. (Yuck, yuck, yuck ?!?!). DH was very happy with this, in his mind, very endearing gesture of his mother. I thought it was mean, condescending and disgusting.

Another time we went there and she made a real show of some chocolate bonbons she had bought and was parading around on a small silver platter. 'Oh look what I've got here for the babies! The babies (SIL was pregnant too) have got to eat!'. She never once looked me in the eyes and then said, here, eat it, it is for the baby. It gave me a very eerie feeling and later it dawned on me that the covert message she wanted us to have is that she saw us as incubators.

She kept offering me coats because 'the baby needs to stay warm!'. I had a perfectly fit winter coat so there was no need to get another one. She didn't stop however. She offered me dressing gowns, cardigans, old things she found in the attic (and not at all appropriate to wear outdoors). The last time I saw her when I was pregnant she tried to give me a huge men's winter coat, with an enormous moulded patch on it, to replace my winter coat. I do not need a coat I said to her, she looked at me as if I bluntly refused a well-meant personal gift chosen with great care.

DH and I kept talking about marrying and he was very reluctant. He said , well why would we marry, blah blah, what is the need...? While there was an obvious legal need. When I got angry because we didn't have much time left to arrange everything for a wedding he told me that he and his brother had an agreement. In their teens his brother had made him promise that he would never marry, to protect 'the inheritance'. So he couldn't marry because he had this agreement with this brother... I was really bewildered. To cut a long story short, after a lot of hassle we married a month before my due date at the court house with two friends as our witnesses.

DH found it necessary to let them know we were getting married a few days before. He said he felt this was his obligation, I think he wanted their approval in some way. I was afraid she would find out where we would marry and would go there to cause havoc. Needless to say these added worries were not what I needed, my pregnancy had been extremely exhausting in its last months. A few days after the wedding I got a phone call from the MIL when DH was at work. The voice mail was scary (as if she was conducting an inquisition), she congratulated me, in a very cold tone, with my marriage to her son. She told me to call her to talk things through. I didn't do that. I was exhausted and didn't want to have anything to do with her. I had to protect myself the rest of my pregnancy.

(To be continued).



Thursday, 27 December 2012

3.1 My history with the in-laws: marriage and babies...

Fast-forward to about 5 years later. The MIL didn't like me but had stopped constantly battling me, at least for a few months... I think she had lulled herself to sleep for one moment and convinced herself that our relationship wouldn't last forever. (I will write about her evil ways during the period in between in a separate post).

We were together for about 7 years when we decided the time was right to have children, if possible for us. We had been talking about if for a year or two then I think. After a while I had a very strong feeling I was pregnant and started testing way too early, I was just too excited to know. The day I knew the pregnancy would be detectable I tested again. My hands were shaking uncontrollably when I checked the test strip and I immediately started crying for joy when I saw it was positive. I couldn't speak at first when I wanted to tell DH, and I was crying so hard, that he thought I had bad news, but I was pregnant! I was so happy and excited :-).

My husband almost immediately wanted to tell his parents. I didn't want to, mostly because I feared this wouldn't bring up the best in the MIL. I wanted to have some peace of mind for us. I wanted us to have time to adjust to the idea that we would have a baby and become parents, without any interference of her. Besides that we didn't know how the pregnancy would develop. We decided to wait for 3 months, mainly because I wanted that, my husband foresaw problems with his mother for not telling her immediately. (As if she was entitled to know it right away).

My pregnancy progressed well and we had the first ultrasound. It was so very touching and beautiful to see our little baby bouncing around. He was already a very busy little guy at only 12 weeks, full of life :-).

After 3 months my husband wanted to call his parents ( I would have rather brought them the news personally). The MIL was very surprised to hear I was already 3 months pregnant at the time they heard, that was the main message.

The first time we saw them, after they had heard the news, was at his brother's house. We were already there before them. My FIL immediately came up to me when they arrived, and congratulated me. He was visibly emotional and very happy and excited with the news. The MIL on the other hand lingered around my husband and didn't come to me. She acted real dramatic to him, 'oh how wonderful...., a baby!!!!', while sideways looking at me but making no effort to come up to me to congratulate me. She obviously wanted me to come to her, I didn't do it. After about 5 awkward minutes she finally came to me, throwing her arms up in the air as if she walked on a stage and was about the receive an Oscar, and then congratulated me but her sullen facial expression said something entirely different. She very well knew the others were all behind her and couldn't see her face.

After a while FIL, DH and his brother went downstairs to do something and my SIL went to the kitchen to prepare dinner and for a moment I was left with her alone. She looked very unhappy, and had a facial expression as if she had just attended a funeral. She started complaining to me about all sorts of (trivial) things that made her suffer (she's a real martyr). I felt a stone in my stomach looking at her. I felt all my energy disappear like snow before the sun. It felt like she wanted to suck all joy and happiness out of me. I escaped her presence by asking my SIL if I could help her.

When we sat down for dinner we showed them the ultrasound sonogram and the MIL held the sonogram above a candle to have a better view (?!?!). It is that I screamed otherwise it would have burnt. She then pulled the sonogram away from the candle and looked at me with this strange smile really savoring she had provoked me while at the same time acting like, 'oh silly me, I didn't realise it was a candle, does a sonogram really burn?'.

(To be continued).


Saturday, 22 December 2012

2 My history with the in-laws: meeting the parents...

I almost forgot about ambush No. 2. DH's brother and his girlfriend invited us to have dinner at their place. I didn't know them, we had accidentally met once when they had parked their car near DH's apartment (they lived in another city and rarely visited DH). She was very unfriendly with me and was sizing me up as if I was an opponent to her. I found this invitation kind of strange, but accepted it, then later I declined it last minute. So DH went angrily alone. When he came back he said he was very surprised to find his parents were there too. Making this failed ambush No. 2.

About a year and a half after failed ambush No. 1 at DH's apartment and after some cancelled appointments with the in-laws (I hesitated and was scared to go) we finally agreed a date. MIL insisted it had to be on a Sunday because they never made appointments on Saturdays... I didn't understand this rigid attitude. I didn't want to let this meeting ruin our whole weekend so I asked to meet on a Saturday, so we still had the Sunday to do something fun. This was accepted only very reluctantly.

Saturday afternoon I went to the market and bought some flowers and early in the evening we went, it was a one hour drive from where we lived and we had planned to be there at 7 pm. I felt nauseous going there but I tried keeping my spirits up by saying to myself, she was mad but we're going there now so she must be curious to meet me and try and behave like a normal person would when they welcome someone at their house.

It was dark when we arrived, they have there own road, so there we were in the middle of nowhere. I didn't like to be at such a remote place for this meeting, but what could I do that's where they live. We entered the house, DH had his own keys, we walked through the garage and DH knocked at the door of the living room. FIL opened the door and warmly welcomed us, he shook my hand and told me his name. And there she was, behind him, sitting on the sofa with a very sullen, arrogant, nasty look on her face. Staring at me. She didn't stand up to welcome me, she stayed seated. I had already lifted my arm to shake her hand and walked up to her but she made no effort to do the same.

When she had made it uncomfortable enough she finally shook my hand but didn't say her name. She said, so J. you have finally managed to come here and visit us, on a Saturday, you know that's very inconvenient for us... Unnecessary to say, I fooled myself believing this woman would try and do her best. I gladly would have run out the door that minute, my fright-flight-fight-response was peaking. However I didn't want this woman to get that satisfaction to see that I was afraid. On top of that I was held back by my own beliefs of socially acceptable behaviour with the parents of anyone, including  and probably even more so the parents of my boyfriend. Boundaries by which she was not hindered at all, she didn't give a damn.

She was like a spider in a web that had just caught a fly and was preparing to devour it, taking all the time she needed. So we sat down and she started to talk to me, and talk, and talk, and talk some more. She gave me the third degree. It was torture to be there. It was like the air had frozen and time stood still. All attention was focused on me. She was asking personally intrusive questions I didn't want to answer.  She told me that they were cold-hearted, mean, arrogant people in the region where they come from (huh?!?!). Was I aware of that? They were never friendly with people, did I understand that? She finished each sentence with my name. It was all abhorrent and I felt it was an insult to my intelligence to be talked to like that. FIL and DH were just sitting there watching, while she was constantly glaring at me. I was petrified, literally, I felt myself turn into stone. I really was waiting for someone to throw me a lifeline, it didn't happen...

After at least two hours of this DH finally said, shall we go? Then the MIL had the audacity to gloatingly ask me, and J. was it more enjoyable or less enjoyable than you had imagined? OMG, I had and have never been treated this way, I have never met people who would have behaved this way. I have never had such an unwelcome at someone's house. It was absolutely horrifying how she had behaved. In any other situation I would never have allowed anyone to treat me this way, talk to me this way. I would not have listened to anyone speaking to me this way. I would have told them they were way out of line and would have walked away. But here I was at the house of the parents of my boyfriend in the middle of nowhere. I said to her,  you will always get the same answer to this question, either way, because most people are polite. This gave me the satisfaction of having gotten around answering this ridiculous question.

When we were walking out the door she stopped me and she asked me, do you want these cakes to take home with you. I imagine she was trying to impersonate a friendly person and thought that after this mind blowing session with her I would fall for that. I was so fed up with it that I didn't want to answer. What did I care, cakes, are you crazy? The only thing I thought was, get out of my way, I'm leaving. Then she said, J. you should be an honest person, it is very important in life to be honest, do you want them or not? (What?!?! You're giving me a life lesson?!?! You are talking about honesty?!?!). The only thing I wanted to say was, no FY (excusez le mot) very much.

We drove home and I felt so so angry and horrified. I felt extremely insulted, mistreated and humiliated. I was angry with myself that I had let this woman trap me. I also felt very angry with DH because he just sat there and didn't come to my rescue. He said, you never have to see my parents again (as if that would resolve anything with this harassing woman).

To top it off, when we got home, she called DH and told him that I had behaved in a very hostile fashion and that she was very insulted by that. HAHAHAHA, welcome to crazy town where everything is upside down!

In fact, this was ambush No. 3: she got me cornered, mission accomplished (for now)....

(To be continued).


Sunday, 16 December 2012

1 My history with the in-laws: how it all started...


I would like to tell you about how it all started.

DH and I fell in love with each other. After dating for a few months, he told his parents about us.

His mother told him that she would like to meet me. I told DH that I wanted to wait for a while because we were only just together and I wanted to take it slow, not involving family until we got to know each other better. We were after all in the beginning of our relationship didn't know where it would go at that moment and I thought it was way to early to go and meet his family. This was not my first relationship and I didn't want to rush anything. I felt that when it was the appropriate time to meet the family we would meet them.

Fairly soon the drama started. His mother started calling frantically, screaming, yelling, crying. She told DH that this was not the way to deal with it. She demanded my presence at their house within two weeks and if I didn't show up I would never be welcome there again. She kept calling and calling, constantly pressuring him to take me with him on one of his visits. It really frightened and bewildered me. I had no idea what to do, except for one thing and that was that I wasn't going to give in to her demands.

One of those times she managed to get me on the phone. She asked me, 'and J., what do you think, could you manage to visit us this Sunday? Because J, we think that you should really come to our house this Sunday'. She turned her voice real sugar-like but it was dripping with venom. I was stupefied, I didn't know what to say. My insecurity really pleased her. She took her time and really enjoyed to hear me stumble. It was like a cat-and-mouse game to her.

Not very much later on a Sunday morning, we were both still students and not living together, his mother called him at 8.30 am and woke us up, telling him they were in town and wanted him to go with them to a museum (8.30 am!!). He told them he would take a shower and meet them at the museum. He went to take a shower and only two minutes later I heard the door bell ringing first in his room then at his neighbour's, I heard his neighbour say, 'ok, I'll open the door for you'. My heart started pounding, I realised it was them and they could be in his room within a minute. I rushed to get some clothes on and went downstairs to the shower. Through the glass door to the apartment I saw two people storming up the stairs and I luckily just missed them. I knocked on the door of the shower and told DH I thought his parents were in his room right now. I was shaking and my heart was racing because of all the adrenaline pumping through my body. I felt like an animal being hunted down. DH went upstairs to see them and managed to get them out the door.

His mother told him, 'Why is this woman hiding from me!'. She really felt like a hunter I guess. She had acted all innocent saying they hadn't realised I would be there until they saw my clothes... Of course I knew she had only done this to force a meeting with me, in fact to ambush me and catch me in a vulnerable state.

I was shocked by this event. I felt frightened, hunted down, unsafe and very angry.

(To be continued).


Warning signs of future mother-in-law problems

Checklist future mother in-law problems.

http://drphil.com/articles/article/643

"People think 'Once we get married, that will all go away.' No, it won't," Dr. Phil says. If you want to know ahead of time if you'll have in-law issues, read Dr. Phil's warning signs:
  • Mother-in-law is insensitive; doesn't respect boundaries
  • Mother-in-law is overly dependent on son for emotional and lifestyle support
  • Partner clearly puts mother-in-law needs/requests ahead of yours
  • Partner talks to mother daily; drops everything when she calls
  • Partner values mother's advice and opinions over yours
  • Partner runs to mother when arguments occur
  • Mother-in-law attacks your character
  • Mother-in-law treats her son like he's still a child/competes with you
  • During family gatherings, you're overlooked or ignored by mother-in-law
  • Mother-in-law actively campaigns against your marriage



Saturday, 15 December 2012

Narcissism checklist: Is this your mom?

or your mother in-law/ monster in-law?

http://www.willieverbegoodenough.com/is-this-your-mom/

Narcissism is a spectrum disorder with the most severe end of the spectrum considered a narcissistic personality disorder. A woman can have several narcissistic traits and not fit the personality disorder. Mothers with only a few traits listed can negatively affect their daughters or sons in insidious ways which is explained in Dr. McBride’s book.

Check this list:

  1. When you discuss your life issues with your mother, does she divert the discussion to talk about herself?
  2. When you discuss your feelings with your mother, does she she try to top the feeling with her own?
  3. Does your mother act jealous of you?
  4. Does your mother lack empathy for your feelings?
  5. Does your mother only support those things you do that reflect on her as a “good mother?”
  6. Have you consistently felt a lack of emotional closeness with your mother?
  7. Have you consistently questioned whether or not your mother likes you or loves you?
  8. Does your mother only do things for you when others can see?
  9. When something happens in your life (accident, illness, divorce,) does your mother react with how it will affect her rather than how you feel?
  10. Is or was your mother overly conscious of what others think (neighbors, friends, family, co-workers)?
  11. Does your mother deny her own feelings?
  12. Does your mother blame things on you or others rather than own responsibility for her feelings or actions?
  13. Is or was your mother hurt easily and then carried a grudge for a long time without resolving the problem?
  14. Do you feel you were a slave to your mother?
  15. Do you feel you were responsible for your mother’s ailments or sickness (headaches, stress, illness)?
  16. Did you have to take care of your mother’s physical needs as a child?
  17. Do you feel unaccepted by your mother?
  18. Do you feel your mother was critical of you?
  19. Do you feel helpless in the presence of your mother?
  20. Are you shamed often by your mother?
  21. Do you feel your mother knows the real you?
  22. Does your mother act like the world should revolve around her?
  23. Do you find it difficult to be a separate person from your mother?
  24. Does your mother appear phony to you?
  25. Does your mother want to control your choices?
  26. Does your mother swing from egotistical to a depressed mood?
  27. Did you feel you had to take care of your mother’s emotional needs as a child?
  28. Do you feel manipulated in the presence of your mother?
  29. Do you feel valued by mother for what you do rather than who you are?
  30. Is your mother controlling, acting like a victim or martyr?
  31. Does your mother make you act different from how you really feel?
  32. Does your mother compete with you?
  33. Does your mother always have to have things her way?

Note: All of these questions relate to narcissistic traits. The more questions you checked, the more likely your mother has narcissistic traits and this has caused some difficulty for you as a growing daughter/son and adult.

Friday, 14 December 2012

How to recognize a narcissist?

Characteristics of Narcissistic Mothers/ evil mother in-law checklist (lots of clarifying examples, eye-opening!!)

(https://sites.google.com/site/harpyschild/)

1. Everything she does is deniable. There is always a facile excuse or an explanation. Cruelties are couched in loving terms. Aggressive and hostile acts are paraded as thoughtfulness. Selfish manipulations are presented as gifts. Criticism and slander is slyly disguised as concern. She only wants what is best for you. She only wants to help you.

She rarely says right out that she thinks you're inadequate. Instead, any time that you tell her you've done something good, she counters with something your sibling did that was better or she simply ignores you or she hears you out without saying anything, then in a short time does something cruel to you so you understand not to get above yourself. She will carefully separate cause (your joy in your accomplishment) from effect (refusing to let you borrow the car to go to the awards ceremony) by enough time that someone who didn't live through her abuse would never believe the connection.

Many of her putdowns are simply by comparison. She'll talk about how wonderful someone else is or what a wonderful job they did on something you've also done or how highly she thinks of them. The contrast is left up to you. She has let you know that you're no good without saying a word. She'll spoil your pleasure in something by simply congratulating you for it in an angry, envious voice that conveys how unhappy she is, again, completely deniably. It is impossible to confront someone over their tone of voice, their demeanor or they way they look at you, but once your narcissistic mother has you trained, she can promise terrible punishment without a word. As a result, you're always afraid, always in the wrong, and can never exactly put your finger on why.

Because her abusiveness is part of a lifelong campaign of control and because she is careful to rationalize her abuse, it is extremely difficult to explain to other people what is so bad about her. She's also careful about when and how she engages in her abuses. She's very secretive, a characteristic of almost all abusers ("Don't wash our dirty laundry in public!") and will punish you for telling anyone else what she's done. The times and locations of her worst abuses are carefully chosen so that no one who might intervene will hear or see her bad behavior, and she will seem like a completely different person in public. She'll slam you to other people, but will always embed her devaluing nuggets of snide gossip in protestations of concern, love and understanding ("I feel so sorry for poor Cynthia. She always seems to have such a hard time, but I just don't know what I can do for her!") As a consequence the children of narcissists universally report that no one believes them ("I have to tell you that she always talks about YOU in the most caring way!). Unfortunately therapists, given the deniable actions of the narcissist and eager to defend a fellow parent, will often jump to the narcissist's defense as well, reinforcing your sense of isolation and helplessness ("I'm sure she didn't mean it like that!")


2. She violates your boundaries. You feel like an extension of her. Your property is given away without your consent, sometimes in front of you. Your food is eaten off your plate or given to others off your plate. Your property may be repossessed and no reason given other than that it was never yours. Your time is committed without consulting you, and opinions purported to be yours are expressed for you. (She LOVES going to the fair! He would never want anything like that. She wouldn't like kumquats.) You are discussed in your presence as though you are not there. She keeps tabs on your bodily functions and humiliates you by divulging the information she gleans, especially when it can be used to demonstrate her devotion and highlight her martyrdom to your needs ("Mike had that problem with frequent urination too, only his was much worse. I was so worried about him!") You have never known what it is like to have privacy in the bathroom or in your bedroom, and she goes through your things regularly. She asks nosy questions, snoops into your email/letters/diary/conversations. She will want to dig into your feelings, particularly painful ones and is always looking for negative information on you which can be used against you. She does things against your expressed wishes frequently. All of this is done without seeming embarrassment or thought.

Any attempt at autonomy on your part is strongly resisted. Normal rites of passage (learning to shave, wearing makeup, dating) are grudgingly allowed only if you insist, and you're punished for your insistence ("Since you're old enough to date, I think you're old enough to pay for your own clothes!") If you demand age-appropriate clothing, grooming, control over your own life, or rights, you are difficult and she ridicules your "independence."


3. She favoritizes. Narcissistic mothers commonly choose one (sometimes more) child to be the golden child and one (sometimes more) to be the scapegoat. The narcissist identifies with the golden child and provides privileges to him or her as long as the golden child does just as she wants. The golden child has to be cared for assiduously by everyone in the family. The scapegoat has no needs and instead gets to do the caring. The golden child can do nothing wrong. The scapegoat is always at fault. This creates divisions between the children, one of whom has a large investment in the mother being wise and wonderful, and the other(s) who hate her. That division will be fostered by the narcissist with lies and with blatantly unfair and favoritizing behavior. The golden child will defend the mother and indirectly perpetuate the abuse by finding reasons to blame the scapegoat for the mother's actions. The golden child may also directly take on the narcissistic mother's tasks by physically abusing the scapegoat so the narcissistic mother doesn't have to do that herself.


4. She undermines. Your accomplishments are acknowledged only to the extent that she can take credit for them. Any success or accomplishment for which she cannot take credit is ignored or diminished. Any time you are to be center stage and there is no opportunity for her to be the center of attention, she will try to prevent the occasion altogether, or she doesn't come, or she leaves early, or she acts like it's no big deal, or she steals the spotlight or she slips in little wounding comments about how much better someone else did or how what you did wasn't as much as you could have done or as you think it is. She undermines you by picking fights with you or being especially unpleasant just before you have to make a major effort. She acts put out if she has to do anything to support your opportunities or will outright refuse to do even small things in support of you. She will be nasty to you about things that are peripherally connected with your successes so that you find your joy in what you've done is tarnished, without her ever saying anything directly about it. No matter what your success, she has to take you down a peg about it.


5. She demeans, criticizes and denigrates. She lets you know in all sorts of little ways that she thinks less of you than she does of your siblings or of other people in general. If you complain about mistreatment by someone else, she will take that person's side even if she doesn't know them at all. She doesn't care about those people or the justice of your complaints. She just wants to let you know that you're never right.

She will deliver generalized barbs that are almost impossible to rebut (always in a loving, caring tone): "You were always difficult" "You can be very difficult to love" "You never seemed to be able to finish anything" "You were very hard to live with" "You're always causing trouble" "No one could put up with the things you do." She will deliver slams in a sidelong way - for example she'll complain about how "no one" loves her, does anything for her, or cares about her, or she'll complain that "everyone" is so selfish, when you're the only person in the room. As always, this combines criticism with deniability.

She will slip little comments into conversation that she really enjoyed something she did with someone else - something she did with you too, but didn't like as much. She'll let you know that her relationship with some other person you both know is wonderful in a way your relationship with her isn't - the carefully unspoken message being that you don't matter much to her.

She minimizes, discounts or ignores your opinions and experiences. Your insights are met with condescension, denials and accusations ("I think you read too much!") and she will brush off your information even on subjects on which you are an acknowledged expert. Whatever you say is met with smirks and amused sounding or exaggerated exclamations ("Uh hunh!" "You don't say!" "Really!"). She'll then make it clear that she didn't listen to a word you said.


6. She makes you look crazy. If you try to confront her about something she's done, she'll tell you that you have "a very vivid imagination" (this is a phrase commonly used by abusers of all sorts to invalidate your experience of their abuse) that you don't know what you're talking about, or that she has no idea what you're talking about. She will claim not to remember even very memorable events, flatly denying they ever happened, nor will she ever acknowledge any possibility that she might have forgotten. This is an extremely aggressive and exceptionally infuriating tactic called "gaslighting," common to abusers of all kinds. Your perceptions of reality are continually undermined so that you end up without any confidence in your intuition, your memory or your powers of reasoning. This makes you a much better victim for the abuser.

Narcissists gaslight routinely. The narcissist will either insinuate or will tell you outright that you're unstable, otherwise you wouldn't believe such ridiculous things or be so uncooperative. You're oversensitive. You're imagining things. You're hysterical. You're completely unreasonable. You're over-reacting, like you always do. She'll talk to you when you've calmed down and aren't so irrational. She may even characterize you as being neurotic or psychotic.

Once she's constructed these fantasies of your emotional pathologies, she'll tell others about them, as always, presenting her smears as expressions of concern and declaring her own helpless victimhood. She didn't do anything. She has no idea why you're so irrationally angry with her. You've hurt her terribly. She thinks you may need psychotherapy. She loves you very much and would do anything to make you happy, but she just doesn't know what to do. You keep pushing her away when all she wants to do is help you.

She has simultaneously absolved herself of any responsibility for your obvious antipathy towards her, implied that it's something fundamentally wrong with you that makes you angry with her, and undermined your credibility with her listeners. She plays the role of the doting mother so perfectly that no one will believe you.


7. She's envious. Any time you get something nice she's angry and envious and her envy will be apparent when she admires whatever it is. She'll try to get it from you, spoil it for you, or get the same or better for herself. She's always working on ways to get what other people have. The envy of narcissistic mothers often includes competing sexually with their daughters or daughters-in-law. They'll attempt to forbid their daughters to wear makeup, to groom themselves in an age-appropriate way or to date. They will criticize the appearance of their daughters and daughters-in-law. This envy extends to relationships. Narcissistic mothers infamously attempt to damage their children's marriages and interfere in the upbringing of their grandchildren.


8. She's a liar in too many ways to count. Any time she talks about something that has emotional significance for her, it's a fair bet that she's lying. Lying is one way that she creates conflict in the relationships and lives of those around her - she'll lie to them about what other people have said, what they've done, or how they feel. She'll lie about her relationship with them, about your behavior or about your situation in order to inflate herself and to undermine your credibility.

The narcissist is very careful about how she lies. To outsiders she'll lie thoughtfully and deliberately, always in a way that can be covered up if she's confronted with her lie. She spins what you said rather than makes something up wholesale. She puts dishonest interpretations on things you actually did. If she's recently done something particularly egregious she may engage in preventative lying: she lies in advance to discount what you might say before you even say it. Then when you talk about what she did you'll be cut off with "I already know all about it…your mother told me... (self-justifications and lies)." Because she is so careful about her deniability, it may be very hard to catch her in her lies and the more gullible of her friends may never realize how dishonest she is.

To you, she'll lie blatantly. She will claim to be unable to remember bad things she has done, even if she did one of them recently and even if it was something very memorable. Of course, if you try to jog her memory by recounting the circumstances "You have a very vivid imagination" or "That was so long ago. Why do you have to dredge up your old grudges?" Your conversations with her are full of casual brush-offs and diversionary lies and she doesn't respect you enough to bother making it sound good. For example she'll start with a self-serving lie: "If I don't take you as a dependent on my taxes I'll lose three thousand dollars!" You refute her lie with an obvious truth: "No, three thousand dollars is the amount of the dependent exemption. You'll only lose about eight hundred dollars." Her response: "Isn't that what I said?" You are now in a game with only one rule: You can't win.

On the rare occasions she is forced to acknowledge some bad behavior, she will couch the admission deniably. She "guesses" that "maybe" she "might have" done something wrong. The wrongdoing is always heavily spun and trimmed to make it sound better. The words "I guess," "maybe," and "might have" are in and of themselves lies because she knows exactly what she did - no guessing, no might haves, no maybes.


9. She has to be the center of attention all the time. This need is a defining trait of narcissists and particularly of narcissistic mothers for whom their children exist to be sources of attention and adoration. Narcissistic mothers love to be waited on and often pepper their children with little requests. "While you're up…" or its equivalent is one of their favorite phrases. You couldn't just be assigned a chore at the beginning of the week or of the day, instead, you had to do it on demand, preferably at a time that was inconvenient for you, or you had to "help" her do it, fetching and carrying for her while she made up to herself for the menial work she had to do as your mother by glorying in your attentions.

A narcissistic mother may create odd occasions at which she can be the center of attention, such as memorials for someone close to her who died long ago, or major celebrations of small personal milestones. She may love to entertain so she can be the life of her own party. She will try to steal the spotlight or will try to spoil any occasion where someone else is the center of attention, particularly the child she has cast as the scapegoat. She often invites herself along where she isn't welcome. If she visits you or you visit her, you are required to spend all your time with her. Entertaining herself is unthinkable. She has always pouted, manipulated or raged if you tried to do anything without her, didn't want to entertain her, refused to wait on her, stymied her plans for a drama or otherwise deprived her of attention.

Older narcissistic mothers often use the natural limitations of aging to manipulate dramas, often by neglecting their health or by doing things they know will make them ill. This gives them the opportunity to cash in on the investment they made when they trained you to wait on them as a child. Then they call you (or better still, get the neighbor or the nursing home administrator to call you) demanding your immediate attendance. You are to rush to her side, pat her hand, weep over her pain and listen sympathetically to her unending complaints about how hard and awful it is. ("Never get old!") It's almost never the case that you can actually do anything useful, and the causes of her disability may have been completely avoidable, but you've been put in an extremely difficult position. If you don't provide the audience and attention she's manipulating to get, you look extremely bad to everyone else and may even have legal culpability. (Narcissistic behaviors commonly accompany Alzheimer's disease, so this behavior may also occur in perfectly normal mothers as they age.)


10. She manipulates your emotions in order to feed on your pain. This exceptionally sick and bizarre behavior is so common among narcissistic mothers that their children often call them "emotional vampires." Some of this emotional feeding comes in the form of pure sadism. She does and says things just to be wounding or she engages in tormenting teasing or she needles you about things you're sensitive about, all the while a smile plays over her lips. She may have taken you to scary movies or told you horrifying stories, then mocked you for being a baby when you cried, She will slip a wounding comment into conversation and smile delightedly into your hurt face. You can hear the laughter in her voice as she pressures you or says distressing things to you. Later she'll gloat over how much she upset you, gaily telling other people that you're so much fun to tease, and recruiting others to share in her amusement. . She enjoys her cruelties and makes no effort to disguise that. She wants you to know that your pain entertains her. She may bring up subjects that are painful for you and probe you about them, all the while watching you carefully. This is emotional vampirism in its purest form. She's feeding emotionally off your pain.

A peculiar form of this emotional vampirism combines attention-seeking behavior with a demand that the audience suffer. Since narcissistic mothers often play the martyr this may take the form of wrenching, self-pitying dramas which she carefully produces, and in which she is the star performer. She sobs and wails that no one loves her and everyone is so selfish, and she doesn't want to live, she wants to die! She wants to die! She will not seem to care how much the manipulation of their emotions and the self-pity repels other people. One weird behavior that is very common to narcissists: her dramas may also center around the tragedies of other people, often relating how much she suffered by association and trying to distress her listeners, as she cries over the horrible murder of someone she wouldn't recognize if they had passed her on the street.


11. She's selfish and willful. She always makes sure she has the best of everything. She insists on having her own way all the time and she will ruthlessly, manipulatively pursue it, even if what she wants isn't worth all the effort she's putting into it and even if that effort goes far beyond normal behavior. She will make a huge effort to get something you denied her, even if it was entirely your right to do so and even if her demand was selfish and unreasonable. If you tell her she cannot bring her friends to your party she will show up with them anyway, and she will have told them that they were invited so that you either have to give in, or be the bad guy to these poor dupes on your doorstep. If you tell her she can't come over to your house tonight she'll call your spouse and try get him or her to agree that she can, and to not say anything to you about it because it's a "surprise." She has to show you that you can't tell her "no."

One near-universal characteristic of narcissists: because they are so selfish and self-centered, they are very bad gift givers. They'll give you hand-me-downs or market things for themselves as gifts for you ("I thought I'd give you my old bicycle and buy myself a new one!" "I know how much you love Italian food, so I'm going to take you to my favorite restaurant for your birthday!") New gifts are often obviously cheap and are usually things that don't suit you or that you can't use or are a quid pro quo: if you buy her the gift she wants, she will buy you an item of your choice. She'll make it clear that it pains her to give you anything. She may buy you a gift and get the identical item for herself, or take you shopping for a gift and get herself something nice at the same time to make herself feel better.


12. She's self-absorbed. Her feelings, needs and wants are very important; yours are insignificant to the point that her least whim takes precedence over your most basic needs. Her problems deserve your immediate and full attention; yours are brushed aside. Her wishes always take precedence; if she does something for you, she reminds you constantly of her munificence in doing so and will often try to extract some sort of payment. She will complain constantly, even though your situation may be much worse than hers. If you point that out, she will effortlessly, thoughtlessly brush it aside as of no importance (It's easy for you…/It's different for you…).


13. She is insanely defensive and is extremely sensitive to any criticism. If you criticize her or defy her she will explode with fury, threaten, storm, rage, destroy and may become violent, beating, confining, putting her child outdoors in bad weather or otherwise engaging in classic physical abuse.


14. She terrorized. For all abusers, fear is a powerful means of control of the victim, and your narcissistic mother used it ruthlessly to train you. Narcissists teach you to beware their wrath even when they aren't present. The only alternative is constant placation. If you give her everything she wants all the time, you might be spared. If you don't, the punishments will come. Even adult children of narcissists still feel that carefully inculcated fear. Your narcissistic mother can turn it on with a silence or a look that tells the child in you she's thinking about how she's going to get even.

Not all narcissists abuse physically, but most do, often in subtle, deniable ways. It allows them to vent their rage at your failure to be the solution to their internal havoc and simultaneously to teach you to fear them. You may not have been beaten, but you were almost certainly left to endure physical pain when a normal mother would have made an effort to relieve your misery. This deniable form of battery allows her to store up her rage and dole out the punishment at a later time when she's worked out an airtight rationale for her abuse, so she never risks exposure. You were left hungry because "you eat too much." (Someone asked her if she was pregnant. She isn't). You always went to school with stomach flu because "you don't have a fever. You're just trying to get out of school." (She resents having to take care of you. You have a lot of nerve getting sick and adding to her burdens.) She refuses to look at your bloody heels and instead the shoes that wore those blisters on your heels are put back on your feet and you're sent to the store in them because "You wanted those shoes. Now you can wear them." (You said the ones she wanted to get you were ugly. She liked them because they were just like what she wore 30 years ago). The dentist was told not to give you Novocaine when he drilled your tooth because "he has to learn to take better care of his teeth." (She has to pay for a filling and she's furious at having to spend money on you.)

Narcissistic mothers also abuse by loosing others on you or by failing to protect you when a normal mother would have. Sometimes the narcissist's golden child will be encouraged to abuse the scapegoat. Narcissists also abuse by exposing you to violence. If one of your siblings got beaten, she made sure you saw. She effortlessly put the fear of Mom into you, without raising a hand.


15. She's infantile and petty. Narcissistic mothers are often simply childish. If you refuse to let her manipulate you into doing something, she will cry that you don't love her because if you loved her you would do as she wanted. If you hurt her feelings she will aggressively whine to you that you'll be sorry when she's dead that you didn't treat her better. These babyish complaints and responses may sound laughable, but the narcissist is dead serious about them. When you were a child, if you ask her to stop some bad behavior, she would justify it by pointing out something that you did that she feels is comparable, as though the childish behavior of a child is justification for the childish behavior of an adult. "Getting even" is a large part of her dealings with you. Anytime you fail to give her the deference, attention or service she feels she deserves, or you thwart her wishes, she has to show you.


16. She's aggressive and shameless. She doesn't ask. She demands. She makes outrageous requests and she'll take anything she wants if she thinks she can get away with it. Her demands of her children are posed in a very aggressive way, as are her criticisms. She won't take no for an answer, pushing and arm-twisting and manipulating to get you to give in.


17. She "parentifies." She shed her responsibilities to you as soon as she was able, leaving you to take care of yourself as best you could. She denied you medical care, adequate clothing, necessary transportation or basic comforts that she would never have considered giving up for herself. She never gave you a birthday party or let you have sleepovers. Your friends were never welcome in her house. She didn't like to drive you anywhere, so you turned down invitations because you had no way to get there. She wouldn't buy your school pictures even if she could easily have afforded it. You had a niggardly clothing allowance or she bought you the cheapest clothing she could without embarrassing herself. As soon as you got a job, every request for school supplies, clothing or toiletries was met with "Now that you're making money, why don't you pay for that yourself?" You studied up on colleges on your own and choose a cheap one without visiting it. You signed yourself up for the SATs, earned the money to pay for them and talked someone into driving you to the test site. You worked three jobs to pay for that cheap college and when you finally got mononucleosis she chirped at you that she was "so happy you could take care of yourself."

She also gave you tasks that were rightfully hers and should not have been placed on a child. You may have been a primary caregiver for young siblings or an incapacitated parent. You may have had responsibility for excessive household tasks. Above all, you were always her emotional caregiver which is one reason any defection from that role caused such enormous eruptions of rage. You were never allowed to be needy or have bad feelings or problems. Those experiences were only for her, and you were responsible for making it right for her. From the time you were very young she would randomly lash out at you any time she was stressed or angry with your father or felt that life was unfair to her, because it made her feel better to hurt you. You were often punished out of the blue, for manufactured offenses. As you got older she directly placed responsibility for her welfare and her emotions on you, weeping on your shoulder and unloading on you any time something went awry for her.


18. She's exploitative. She will manipulate to get work, money, or objects she envies out of other people for nothing. This includes her children, of course. If she set up a bank account for you, she was trustee on the account with the right to withdraw money. As you put money into it, she took it out. She may have stolen your identity. She took you as a dependent on her income taxes so you couldn't file independently without exposing her to criminal penalties. If she made an agreement with you, it was violated the minute it no longer served her needs. If you brought it up demanding she adhere to the agreement, she brushed you off and later punished you so you would know not to defy her again.

Sometimes the narcissist will exploit a child to absorb punishment that would have been hers from an abusive partner. The husband comes home in a drunken rage, and the mother immediately complains about the child's bad behavior so the rage is vented on to the child. Sometimes the narcissistic mother simply uses the child to keep a sick marriage intact because the alternative is being divorced or having to go to work. The child is sexually molested but the mother never notices, or worse, calls the child a liar when she tells the mother about the molestation.


19. She projects. This sounds a little like psycho-babble, but it is something that narcissists all do. Projection means that she will put her own bad behavior, character and traits on you so she can deny them in herself and punish you. This can be very difficult to see if you have traits that she can project on to. An eating-disordered woman who obsesses over her daughter's weight is projecting. The daughter may not realize it because she has probably internalized an absurdly thin vision of women's weight and so accepts her mother's projection. When the narcissist tells the daughter that she eats too much, needs to exercise more, or has to wear extra-large size clothes, the daughter believes it, even if it isn't true. However, she will sometimes project even though it makes no sense at all. This happens when she feels shamed and needs to put it on her scapegoat child and the projection therefore comes across as being an attack out of the blue. For example: She makes an outrageous request, and you casually refuse to let her have her way. She's enraged by your refusal and snarls at you that you'll talk about it when you've calmed down and are no longer hysterical.

You aren't hysterical at all; she is, but your refusal has made her feel the shame that should have stopped her from making shameless demands in the first place. That's intolerable. She can transfer that shame to you and rationalize away your response: you only refused her because you're so unreasonable. Having done that she can reassert her shamelessness and indulge her childish willfulness by turning an unequivocal refusal into a subject for further discussion. You'll talk about it again "later" - probably when she's worn you down with histrionics, pouting and the silent treatment so you're more inclined to do what she wants.


20. She is never wrong about anything. No matter what she's done, she won't ever genuinely apologize for anything. Instead, any time she feels she is being made to apologize she will sulk and pout, issue an insulting apology or negate the apology she has just made with justifications, qualifications or self pity: "I'm sorry you felt that I humiliated you" "I'm sorry if I made you feel bad" "If I did that it was wrong" "I'm sorry, but I there's nothing I can do about it" "I'm sorry I made you feel clumsy, stupid and disgusting" "I'm sorry but it was just a joke. You're so over-sensitive" "I'm sorry that my own child feels she has to upset me and make me feel bad." The last insulting apology is also an example of projection.


21. She seems to have no awareness that other people even have feelings. She'll occasionally slip and say something jaw-droppingly callous because of this lack of empathy. It isn't that she doesn't care at all about other people's feelings, though she doesn't. It would simply never occur to her to think about their feelings. An absence of empathy is the defining trait of a narcissist and underlies most of the other traits I have described. Unlike psychopaths, narcissists do understand right, wrong, and consequences, so they are not ordinarily criminal. She beat you, but not to the point where you went to the hospital. She left you standing out in the cold until you were miserable, but not until you had hypothermia. She put you in the basement in the dark with no clothes on, but she only left you there for two hours.


22. She blames. She'll blame you for everything that isn't right in her life or for what other people do or for whatever has happened. Always, she'll blame you for her abuse. You made her do it. If only you weren't so difficult. You upset her so much that she can't think straight. Things were hard for her and your backtalk pushed her over the brink. This blaming is often so subtle that all you know is that you thought you were wronged and now you feel guilty. Your brother beats you and her response is to bemoan how uncivilized children are. Your boyfriend dumped you, but she can understand - after all, she herself has seen how difficult you are to love. She'll do something egregiously exploitative to you, and when confronted will screech at you that she can't believe you were so selfish as to upset her over such a trivial thing. She'll also blame you for your reaction to her selfish, cruel and exploitative behavior. She can't believe you are so petty, so small, and so childish as to object to her giving your favorite dress to her friend. She thought you would be happy to let her do something nice for someone else.

Narcissists are masters of multitasking as this example shows. Simultaneously your narcissistic mother is 1) Lying. She knows what she did was wrong and she knows your reaction is reasonable. 2) Manipulating. She's making you look like the bad guy for objecting to her cruelties. 3) Being selfish. She doesn't mind making you feel horrible as long as she gets her own way. 4) Blaming. She did something wrong, but it's all your fault. 5) Projecting. Her petty, small and childish behavior has become yours. 6) Putting on a self-pitying drama. She's a martyr who believed the best of you, and you've let her down. 7) Parentifying. You're responsible for her feelings, she has no responsibility for yours.


23. She destroys your relationships. Narcissistic mothers are like tornadoes: wherever they touch down families are torn apart and wounds are inflicted. Unless the father has control over the narcissist and holds the family together, adult siblings in families with narcissistic mothers characteristically have painful relationships. Typically all communication between siblings is superficial and driven by duty, or they may never talk to each other at all. In part, these women foster dissension between their children because they enjoy the control it gives them. If those children don't communicate except through the mother, she can decide what everyone hears. Narcissists also love the excitement and drama they create by interfering in their children's lives. Watching people's lives explode is better than soap operas, especially when you don't have any empathy for their misery.

The narcissist nurtures anger, contempt and envy - the most corrosive emotions - to drive her children apart. While her children are still living at home, any child who stands up to the narcissist guarantees punishment for the rest. In her zest for revenge, the narcissist purposefully turns the siblings' anger on the dissenter by including everyone in her retaliation. ("I can see that nobody here loves me! Well I'll just take these Christmas presents back to the store. None of you would want anything I got you anyway!") The other children, long trained by the narcissist to give in, are furious with the troublemaking child, instead of with the narcissist who actually deserves their anger.

The narcissist also uses favoritism and gossip to poison her childrens' relationships. The scapegoat sees the mother as a creature of caprice and cruelty. As is typical of the privileged, the other children don't see her unfairness and they excuse her abuses. Indeed, they are often recruited by the narcissist to adopt her contemptuous and entitled attitude towards the scapegoat and with her tacit or explicit permission, will inflict further abuse. The scapegoat predictably responds with fury and equal contempt. After her children move on with adult lives, the narcissist makes sure to keep each apprised of the doings of the others, passing on the most discreditable and juicy gossip (as always, disguised as "concern") about the other children, again, in a way that engenders contempt rather than compassion.

Having been raised by a narcissist, her children are predisposed to be envious, and she takes full advantage of the opportunity that presents. While she may never praise you to your face, she will likely crow about your victories to the very sibling who is not doing well. She'll tell you about the generosity she displayed towards that child, leaving you wondering why you got left out and irrationally angry at the favored child rather than at the narcissist who told you about it.

The end result is a family in which almost all communication is triangular. The narcissist, the spider in the middle of the family web, sensitively monitors all the children for information she can use to retain her unchallenged control over the family. She then passes that on to the others, creating the resentments that prevent them from communicating directly and freely with each other. The result is that the only communication between the children is through the narcissist, exactly the way she wants it.


24. As a last resort she goes pathetic. When she's confronted with unavoidable consequences for her own bad behavior, including your anger, she will melt into a soggy puddle of weepy helplessness. It's all her fault. She can't do anything right. She feels so bad. What she doesn't do: own the responsibility for her bad conduct and make it right. Instead, as always, it's all about her, and her helpless self-pitying weepiness dumps the responsibility for her consequences AND for her unhappiness about it on you. As so often with narcissists, it is also a manipulative behavior. If you fail to excuse her bad behavior and make her feel better, YOU are the bad person for being cold, heartless and unfeeling when your poor mother feels so awful.