1 My history with the in-laws: how it all started...

I would like to tell you about how it all started.

DH and I fell in love with each other. After dating for a few months, he told his parents about us.

His mother told him that she would like to meet me. I told DH that I wanted to wait for a while because we were only just together and I wanted to take it slow, not involving family until we got to know each other better. We were after all in the beginning of our relationship didn't know where it would go at that moment and I thought it was way to early to go and meet his family. This was not my first relationship and I didn't want to rush anything. I felt that when it was the appropriate time to meet the family we would meet them.

Fairly soon the drama started. His mother started calling frantically, screaming, yelling, crying. She told DH that this was not the way to deal with it. She demanded my presence at their house within two weeks and if I didn't show up I would never be welcome there again. She kept calling and calling, constantly pressuring him to take me with him on one of his visits. It really frightened and bewildered me. I had no idea what to do, except for one thing and that was that I wasn't going to give in to her demands.

One of those times she managed to get me on the phone. She asked me, 'and J., what do you think, could you manage to visit us this Sunday? Because J, we think that you should really come to our house this Sunday'. She turned her voice real sugar-like but it was dripping with venom. I was stupefied, I didn't know what to say. My insecurity really pleased her. She took her time and really enjoyed to hear me stumble. It was like a cat-and-mouse game to her.

Not very much later on a Sunday morning, we were both still students and not living together, his mother called him at 8.30 am and woke us up, telling him they were in town and wanted him to go with them to a museum (8.30 am!!). He told them he would take a shower and meet them at the museum. He went to take a shower and only two minutes later I heard the door bell ringing first in his room then at his neighbour's, I heard his neighbour say, 'ok, I'll open the door for you'. My heart started pounding, I realised it was them and they could be in his room within a minute. I rushed to get some clothes on and went downstairs to the shower. Through the glass door to the apartment I saw two people storming up the stairs and I luckily just missed them. I knocked on the door of the shower and told DH I thought his parents were in his room right now. I was shaking and my heart was racing because of all the adrenaline pumping through my body. I felt like an animal being hunted down. DH went upstairs to see them and managed to get them out the door.

His mother told him, 'Why is this woman hiding from me!'. She really felt like a hunter I guess. She had acted all innocent saying they hadn't realised I would be there until they saw my clothes... Of course I knew she had only done this to force a meeting with me, in fact to ambush me and catch me in a vulnerable state.

I was shocked by this event. I felt frightened, hunted down, unsafe and very angry.

(To be continued).

Warning signs of future mother-in-law problems

Checklist future mother in-law problems.

http://drphil.com/articles/article/643

"People think 'Once we get married, that will all go away.' No, it won't," Dr. Phil says. If you want to know ahead of time if you'll have in-law issues, read Dr. Phil's warning signs:

• Mother-in-law is insensitive; doesn't respect boundaries
• Mother-in-law is overly dependent on son for emotional and lifestyle support
• Partner clearly puts mother-in-law needs/requests ahead of yours
• Partner talks to mother daily; drops everything when she calls
• Partner values mother's advice and opinions over yours
• Partner runs to mother when arguments occur
• Mother-in-law attacks your character
• Mother-in-law treats her son like he's still a child/competes with you
• During family gatherings, you're overlooked or ignored by mother-in-law
• Mother-in-law actively campaigns against your marriage